urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear amniotic_tear amniotic_tear 2006-09-21T23:05:31Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:26372 2006-09-21T23:05:31Z 2006-09-21T23:05:31Z <font color="green">_________________0___________________ _________________00__________________ ________________0000_________________ _______________000000________________ ____00_________000000__________00____ _____0000______000000______00000_____ _____000000____0000000___0000000_____ ______000000___0000000_0000000_______ _______0000000_000000_0000000________ _________000000_00000_000000_________ _0000_____000000_000_0000__000000000_ __000000000__0000_0_000_000000000____ _____000000000__0_0_0_000000000______ _________0000000000000000____________ ______________000_0_0000_____________ ____________00000_0__00000___________ ___________00_____0______00________</font><br /><br /><br />I nudge him awake with the barrel of a rifle. He says nothing, just stands in compliance, shivering in his underwear. I give him a pair of orange coveralls. He puts them on. I shackle his wrists, then his ankles. Heavy boots for his feet, foam plugs in his ears, a hood over his head. I bag his hands in layers or thick fabric, bound tightly with tape. He says nothing, but his breath is uneven. As I push him back against the wall, I have a chair brought in for me. He stands, I sit. After an hour, coffee is brought in for me. When he slumps, I shove him roughly back against the wall. If he slumps too frequently, I bring my gun up against his exposed throat. He can feel that. He stands up nicely. On the fifth hour, while Im having my meal, he urinates inside of his coveralls. I can see it as it saturates the fabric. I turn on the bright, artificial lights in the holding cell. After two hours, I turn them off again. I continue-off, on, off, on- at random intervals. He askes me what time of day it is. I dont tell him. Sometimes, I serve him two meals within an hour of one another. Sometimes, I wait eight hours. He keeps asking what time of day it is, what the date is. I dont tell him. He asks for a blanket. I dont give him one. He asks to see his family. I dont answer. He asks to see a judge. I dont answer. After a few weeks, he stops asking for things, but I can still hear him talking-quietly-to no one in particular. When he refuses to eat, I put him in the restraint chair for force-feeding. When he throws up on himself, I make him remove his clothes and lay down on the concrete floor with his face in the vomit. When he doesnt remain perfectly still, or when he makes any noise, I bring out the dogs. When he tries to cover himself, I get the female gaurds to point at him, to taunt him, to straddle him and tell him that his mother and grandmother are whores. When he is uncooperative or insubordinate, I put him on a leash and make him wear womens undergarments. When he falls asleep, I blast him with shatteringly loud pop music. When he asks to go to the toilet, I make him wait until he messes himself, then I force him to roll around in it while I take pictures of him. Me and my cohorts do this for twelve, sixteen, twenty hours at a time. On the fifteenth day, I have him strapped to an inclined board, with his feet higher than his head. I explain to him that he is going to be executed. He whimpers. I lower his head into a tank of frigid water as he blubbers incoherently and jerks at the restraints. I watch him carefully, making sure that he doesnt drown, buit getting him as close as possible before raising the board. He passes out more than once. Each time, I revive him and then dunk him again. Then I do it again. And again. He begins to confess to impossible, nonsensical plots. He asks for me to kill him. Hes asks to be allowed to kill himself. I do neither. I wonder how much longer it will be until he gives me some real information.<br /><br /><br /><br />_+880_____________________________ _++88____________________________ _++88_____________________________ __+880_________________________++_ __+888________________________+88+_ __++880______________________++80+_ __++888_____+++88__________++880+_ __++8888__+++8880++88____+++88___ __+++8888+++8880++8888__++888____ ___++888++8888+++888888++888_____ ___++88++8888++8888888++888______ ___++++++888888888888888888______ ____++++++88888888888888888______ ____++++++++000888888888888______ _____+++++++000088888888888______ ______+++++++00088888888888______ _______+++++++088888888888_______ _______+++++++088888888888_______ ________+++++++8888888888________ ________+++++++0088888888________ ________++++++0088888888_________ ________+++++0008888888__________ <br /><br /><br />Im saving this for something. It has no relevance. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:26177 2006-05-04T00:04:53Z 2006-05-04T00:04:53Z Staring at your face makes me forget everything...<br /><br />And now I remember why I still love you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:26028 2006-05-01T03:08:00Z 2006-05-01T03:08:00Z Massive Attack-What Your Soul Sings Tastes like blood,mate. Everything I eat tastes like blood. My allergies are actually worse than I can ever remember them. I get headaches all of the time and my nasal tissue is so raw that I cant barely breath through my nose without it drying up and cracking. Im grounded for the rest of my natural life, supposedly, but I find it a good opportunity to be able to concentrate on school, which is the reason Im grounded in the first place. I mean, damn, I only got one N. Thats not nearly as bad as last semester.<br /><br />Despite all of my little problems, I have a sort of big one at the moment. Im in love again. <br /><br />I mean, does it make a difference if youve been best friends with this person for a long time? He has a girlfriend...but he loves me too. He says Im different. He says Im the best he's ever had. Im just...afraid of whats going to happen. I think that my last relationship has maybe just made me too cautious, like every single relationship in the future is going to be a total wreck like that one, like Im just going to end up hating the person that I used to love with every single ounce of my being. And this hatred...its nothing that Ive ever felt before. Its never been so strong yet so obscure at the same time, with me being caught up in whats going on now instead of what happened then. Thats what I need to do, thats what Im doing. Fuck, I shouldnt have to care....<br /><br />God, this person is amazing. I realized just not too long ago that I loved him, and how long I have loved him, which has actually been a fucking long time. He stands up for me, he makes me laugh, he makes me just fucking forget every little worry that Ive ever had. The reason I know this isnt just another accident waiting to happen? Because despite the fact that we love eachother with all of our hearts, we are still just best friends. Its almost like nothing has changed, except for the physical part. The easiest part? Ha....we go to school together.<br /><br /><br /><br />JoeJoe, <strong>I love you.</strong><br /><br /><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:25782 2006-04-25T00:04:22Z 2006-04-25T00:04:22Z And it was interesting. All my close friends, for Im no whore, dammit!!<br /><br />Im going to list them out of sheer boredum.(No particular order)<br /><br />UNO: Eponine<br />DOS: JoeJoe<br />TRES: Angel<br />CUATRO: Lara<br />CINCO: Milly<br />SEIS: Chelly<br />SIETE: Trish<br />OCHO: Brittany<br />NUEVE: Issy<br />DIEZ: Neomaya<br />ONCE: Katrina<br /><br />Woo boy. Well, I met this girl. FINALLY. Yeah, shes a raver but shes got a gorgeous face and a body that you can hold on to. And shes a LESBIAN! Woohoooooo...So, I was asked for my number and now I have happy pants. PANTS THAT ARE HAPPY, DAMMIT. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:25542 2006-04-20T22:48:43Z 2006-04-20T22:48:43Z Show me how you do that trick <br />The one that makes me scream she said <br />The one that makes me laugh she said <br />And threw her arms around my neck <br />Show me how you do it <br />And I promise you I promise that <br />I’ll run away with you <br />I’ll run away with you <br />Spinning on that dizzy edge <br />I kissed her face and kissed her head <br />And dreamed of all the different ways I had <br />To make her glow <br />Why are you so far away? she said <br /><strong>Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you <br />That I’m in love with you?<br /></strong><br />You <br />Soft and only <br />You <br />Lost and lonely <br />You <br />Strange as angels <br />Dancing in the deepest oceans <br />Twisting in the water <br /><strong>You’re just like a dream</strong> <br /><br />Daylight licked me into shape <br />I must have been asleep for days <br />And moving lips to breathe her name <br />I opened up my eyes <br />And found myself alone alone <br />Alone above a raging sea <br />That stole the only girl I loved <br />And drowned her deep inside of me <br /><br />You <br />Soft and only <br />You <br />Lost and lonely <br /><strong>You <br />Just like heaven</strong> <br /><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:25093 2006-04-20T00:09:40Z 2006-04-20T00:09:40Z 1. If you could 'take back' your virginity from your first partner, would you? Not for anything in the world.<br /><br />2. Would you prefer the lights on or off during sex?<br />either one works fine...having the lights off is just a big adventure...<br />"Ow, fuck!"<br />"What? Is my penis too big?"<br />"No, youre in the wrong hole."<br /><br />3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preference?<br />That really depends, but not usually.<br /><br />4. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your partner laugh?<br />I may have before...hey, I know that he did it for me :)<br /><br />5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with an ex for financial reasons?<br />Woo boy, this is beyond my league at the moment<br /><br />6. Do you need to know everything about someones past?<br />Nah, but its always nice to know about the person they were before you met them.<br /><br />7. It is more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world?<br />Well, since I cant really improve it all by myself, I dont really try. Come to think of it, I dont really appreciate the world either...I much more appreciate life.<br /><br />8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?<br />Sure, but I have no idea what the fuck it is yet.<br /><br />9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from a "higher power"?<br />Higher power? What higher power? All I know is that you make your own dreams with your sub concious; they dont come from a big fat white guy with a beard who sits up in the clouds, laughing when a little kid falls on their face. Wait, thats actually pretty funny...<br /><br />10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can't really talk to?<br />Id much rather have a great friend, not someone who thinks that they're obligated to be my "lover"<br /><br />11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection?<br />Females are always complaining about how fat they are and men wouldnt give a shit if they could just sit around drinking beer and eating cheetos, so niether is closer then the other. We all have our faults, these kind of questions shouldve never been invented.<br /><br />12. Should a child who's caught masturbating be punished?<br />What...the...FUCK?<br /><br />13. Do you like kissing in public?<br />Um, sure.<br /><br />14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship? Let me give you a little overview:<br />"What, do you not like that?"<br />"It tickles!!" <br />Charlie, you crack me up.<br /><br />15. Did America really put a man on the moon?<br />BWAHAHAHAHA!<br /><br />16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you?<br />Depends on the person. <br /><br />17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?<br />Cereal, cheese, swimming, drawing, burritos, candy, and sunlight.<br /><br />18. How well do you handle criticism?<br />I think that this is a well thought-out question. It has a sweet aftertaste with a smooth and rich flavor...but otherwise, the person who created this is a retard :).<br />Now, how can YOU take criticism?<br /><br />19. Would you like to date someone a lot poorer than you?<br />Why not?<br /><br />20. When fooling around with someone, do you sometimes have sexual fantasies about other people?<br />Yes, me and this army.<br /><br />21. Is it possible for full-figured women to be equally attractive as thinner women?<br />Skinny women leave a bad taste in my mouth. Full figured is a billion times sexier in each and every way possible<br /><br />22. You've just met someone incredible while out with friends, and (s)he's been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long do you wait to call?<br />Ill leave this to the teenage soap operas.<br /><br />24. Would you have a "Happy Button" installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy whenever you pressed it?<br />Every woman has a happy button already installed.<br /><br />25. Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised?<br />I love suprises as much as I love....suprises.<br /><br />26. We are all human; do you judge someone for a past discretion? I never make snap judgements.<br /><br />27. What is sexiest on a woman or a man?<br />Smile.<br /><br />28. Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life?<br />Dream job all the fucking way...<br /><br />29. Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?<br />"yup" is all I have to say.<br /><br /><br />30. Should your mate also become your best friend?<br />Theyre usually my best friends first.<br /><br />31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced?<br />I dont want to marry a slut, but I would like to marry someone experienced enough to know what the fuck is going on. I just want to marry someone that I love.<br /><br />32. Do you trust someone till they give you a reason not to or wait till they give you a reason to trust them?<br />Every single person I meet has the benefit of the doubt until they fuck up.<br /><br />33. Have you ever posed as a nude model while someone sketched/painted/photographed?<br />Nope, but I wouldnt mind it<br /><br />34. Would you prefer good things happening, or interesting things? Good things are usually quite interesting.<br /><br />35. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Well, at least I have a damn good amount of experience. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:24879 2006-04-19T00:27:16Z 2006-04-19T00:27:16Z SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX 1. What does your MySpace quote mean?<br />JoeJoe was wearing some really gay glasses. <br /><br />2. Elaborate on your default photo:<br />Im Sgt. Machine Gun Kelly, bitch.<br /><br />3. Who is the first person on your top 8?<br />Mr. Sexy Zombie Justin<br /><br />4. What's your current relationship status?<br />Thats a funny question...I guess that Im non-single.<br /><br />5. What exactly are you wearing right now?<br />Clothes<br /><br />6. What is your current problem?<br />I ditched this guy that goes to my school and I feel bad.<br /><br />7. What do you love most?<br />My alone time<br /><br />8. What makes you most happy?<br />JoeJoes crappy jokes<br /><br />9. Are you musically talented?<br />I like to think so.<br /><br />10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what?<br />Ever meeting J.C. if I knew I was going to fuck up his life so horribly.<br /><br />11. Ever have a near death experience?<br />Oh sure.<br /><br />12. Name an obvious quality you have?<br />I have no shame.<br /><br />13. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?<br />Lets play some tetris motherfucker...doo do do do dum de dum do do do dum de dum do do do da do dooooo!<br /><br />14. Any celeb you would marry?<br />WINONA RYDER!<br /><br />15. Who will cut and paste this first?<br />I dont know, because I decided I wanted to post this in my livejournal instead of myspace.<br /><br />16. Name someone with the same birthday as you:<br />Person McIdontknow<br /><br />18. Have you ever vandalized someone's property?<br />Noooo<br /><br />20. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?<br />Karaoke, yes.<br /><br />21. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?<br />Hair<br /><br />22. What do you usually order from Starbucks?<br />Marble Mocha Macciato<br /><br /><br />23. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?<br />Nope<br /><br />24. Say something totally random about you?<br />Im a dykazoid that keeps getting surrounded by cock.<br /><br />25. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?<br />Yep<br /><br />26. How old are you?<br />2,586,275. I think.<br /><br />27. Do you wear a watch?<br />Nah<br /><br />28. Do you have any pierings?<br />Yeah, and I just got some sweet ass water buffalo carved gauges.<br /><br />29. Do you have any tattoos?<br />Someday..<br /><br />30. Do you like pain?<br />Some types<br /><br />31. Do you like to shop?<br />Only when everythings free<br /><br />32. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?<br />Candy<br /><br />33. What was the last thing you paid for with a credit card?<br />Candy<br /><br />34. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?<br />Justin!!<br /><br />35. What is on your desktop background?<br />Java doggie<br /><br />36. What is on the background of your cell?<br />Venom about to beat the crap outta Spiderman<br /><br />37. Do you like redheads?<br />I like Gingers, theyre fun to make fun of.<br /><br />38. Do you know any twins?<br />Yup<br /><br />39. Do you have any weird relatives?<br />Half of my family are Jehovas.<br /><br />40. What was the last movie you watched?<br />A Clockwork Orange<br /><br />41. What was the last book you read?<br />Hairstyles of the Damned<br /><br />42. Did you or do you go to college?<br />I will<br /><br />43. What is your favorite pair of pants that you own?<br />My cammo pants<br /><br />44. Do you like to party?<br />Yush. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:24643 2006-04-13T22:21:29Z 2006-04-13T22:44:55Z J.C.- You have gone to far. I understand your sorry, but you cannot undo what I have read. I have left you alone, I have stopped everything. If you were always saying that I need to get over this, then you need to take action and do it yourself. I am done, and I am sincerely serious about this. I have never been more sure in my entire life. Now you have to knock it off and stop treating this like I have been bugging you everyday for the past week. JUST STOP. Nobody deserves that. I was childish, but so were you. This has been over with for a bit. I have always tried to let you know how much you meant in life, that you had a place. How the fuck could you misinterpret that?? Who in their right minds would take that as an insult,as manipulation?? I dont want to be your enemy, so you should stop trying to be mine. You always told me to just fucking live. Well thats what Im doing. Stop bringing these things up, for this will be the last time I will. Im happy. Dont you DARE jeopardize that ever again. THE END. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:24082 2006-04-13T22:05:13Z 2006-04-13T22:05:13Z Thanks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:23996 2006-04-12T19:35:50Z 2006-04-12T19:35:50Z Best fucking song in the world right now...<br /><br />Massive Attack- What Your Soul Sings<br /><br /><br />Don't be afraid<br />Open your mouth and say<br />Say what your soul sings to you<br />Your mind can never change<br />Unless you ask it to<br />Lovingly re-arrange<br />The thoughts that make you blue<br />The things that bring you down<br />Only do harm to you<br />So make your choice joy<br />The joy belongs to you<br />And when you do<br />You'll find the one you love is you<br />You'll find you love you<br /><br />Don't be ashamed<br />To open your heart and pray<br />Say what your soul sings<br />To you<br />So no longer pretend<br />That you can't feel it near<br />That tickle on your head<br />That tingle in your ear<br />Oh ask it anything<br />Because it loves you dear<br />It's your most precious king<br />If only you could hear<br />And when you do<br />You'll find the one you need is you<br />You'll find you love you urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:23569 2006-04-11T22:32:46Z 2006-04-11T22:32:46Z Charlie= Drool all over myself. Sad, but true. Oh man, hes quite a catch.<br /><br />I went and saw V for Vendetta last night with Charlie. It was badass, even if Alan Moore condemned it.<br /><br />You know, Im sick of feeling sorry for myself. I really have no reason to, so I stopped it all on Sunday afternoon. Damn, I finally feel like Im free from all of this bullshit. I dont know what I was getting myself into, but at least I learned some valuable lessons from it. And I really appreciate the person who could help me with that, even though he cant even understand that it really doesnt matter to me how he interprets what I was trying to say. Whats done is done, and I dont ever need to see him again. I wouldnt mind being his friend, for I wish to have no enemies. But I will never need him the way I used to again. Achieving the highest level of my happiness has been my goal. Ive finally reached it, and there are no worries worth worrying about. Thankyou is all I have to say. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:23324 2006-04-02T19:56:09Z 2006-04-02T19:56:09Z <font size="7">Im strung out on you. FUCK.</font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:23225 2006-04-02T19:39:28Z 2006-04-02T19:39:28Z I love you. At this point, Im wondering why, but I do. I cant get over you. You can poke and prod and make me have the worst day of my life but there will be no other guy I love as much as you. Do you fucking understand?? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:22858 2006-04-01T21:16:52Z 2006-04-01T21:16:52Z If I was to explain last nights events in lyrical form, it would be...<br /><br />I want to hold you close<br />Skin pressed against me tight<br />Lie still, and close your eyes girl<br />So lovely, it feels so right<br /><br />I want to hold you close<br />Soft breasts, beating heart<br />As I whisper in your ear<br /><br />I want to fucking tear you apart.<br /><br />Except not from my point of veiw. <br /><br />The real events of last night went as so...<br />First of all, I was to believe that I would not be able to go to Isis for the fact that my mom didnt want me going alone. Yeahhh. I called every person in my phone book that could possibly go to the show with me. Either none of them answered or were busy or just couldnt go. I was sure that I was fucked at that point. But NOOO the plot thickens! My mom decided that her and Ram would go with me. So when we got to Nuemos, I was dropped off to wander among about 200 sweaty people all jam packed into this place. Zombi was on stage, and they fucking rocked. They actually reminded me of a cross between Radiohead, Isis and Sunn(o))). My mom comes in about 15 minutes later and tells me that they are all sold out, so she had to actually hassle the guy at the door to let her in to talk to me. They decided to just leave me be and go to the Bad JuJu, which was actually really nice to be by myself. When Zombi finished, I was able to worm my way up closer to the front. Next, These Arms Are Snakes played. I couldve sworn that I didnt like this band, but they were actually really good. Not nearly as good as Zombi or Isis, but still good. So this section of the night was uneventful. But finally, when These Arms Are Snakes got off the stage and we were waiting for Isis to set up, I was able to move even closer, right up in the front. So I was just standing there when two guys moved up next to me. One of them was really big and tall, wearing a white hat and a mishap shirt, and his friend was about my height with blonde hair. He was quite the hottie,if I must say so myself. The shorter guy turned towards me and asks me when Isis is going to start. We calculated it all out, including when they would finish. So then we started chatting about random stuff. We talked about music, school, favorite bands, and myspace. I noticed this entire time that him and I had quite a bit of space to be a little bit further away from eachother, yet he was standing right up next to me, the back of his hand touching my thigh, his fingers kind of feeling around, but so lightly he thought I couldnt notice. A huge gap opened up in front of me and he gestured towards it, so I moved up in front of him. He pressed himself up against me, still lightly, and moved both of his hands right in front of him so the backs of his hands were now resting on my ass. Wow this sounds like a horrible teen sex story, but its all true, I shit you not. This whole time I was getting all excited, and a huge wave of happy nervousness washed over me. I was leaning on one leg a little too hard, with my hands in my pockets so I took them out and switched legs. I rested my hands down at my sides and Charlie(thats the blonde boys name, havent mentioned that yet.)intertwined his fingers with mine. I took his arms and put them around me. Isis started playing, and he held me tighter and FUCK it felt so good. At this moment, for once in a long time I was able to not worry about school, J.C. or anything.I felt like I was actually pretty for some really hot stranger to like me, put his arms around me. We started swaying a bit, while he nibbled my ear from time to time and gave me kisses on the cheek. I ran my fingers up and down his right arm, turned around an kissed him. It was something I wasnt used to, but at that moment I felt the happiest I ever had. I could tell he was a little drunk, but he was a good kisser nontheless. Throughout the entire rest of the night, we headbanged together, pushed people around together and this whole time he didnt let me go. Isis was glorified about a billion times more, especially with Charlie shouting out the lyrics behind me. I felt like I was in a fucking dream, and I didnt want it to end. But eventually, it did. I got his number, gave him kisses goodbye, went home and played Wish You Were Here on my guitar for about an hour before I dozed off. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:22648 2006-03-31T00:14:06Z 2006-03-31T00:14:47Z Me: Brandon, leave me alone. Im not in the mood. <br /><br />Brandon:Why are you in a bad mood? Did your boyfriend break up with you? <br /><br />Me: Yes. <br /><br />Brandon: Haha. Wanna go out sometime?&nbsp;<br /><br /><br /><br /><font size="7">FUCKING SHITBAG.</font><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:22519 2006-03-31T00:10:14Z 2006-03-31T00:10:14Z Clutching the phone till my hands were sore<br />I never understood pain before, Christopher<br />you cannot know what it does to me<br />hearing you speak with this frequency <br /><br />I never knew what one voice could do<br />I was in heaven the moment I heard you<br />my friends go out drinking and having fun -<br />I stay in bed with my headphones on <br /><br />Shot down with arrows from waves above<br />Christopher Lydon renounced my love<br /><br />It took so long to get through to you<br />I never understood sorrow, and now I do<br />I finally got past your moniter,<br />you broke my heart in two, Chrisopher<br /><br />Christopher, I was your listener, Christopher,<br />I've never felt love like this before, Christopher,<br />Christopher, now and forevermore, Chrisopher<br />I'll never stop saying Christopher, Christopher<br /><br />Finally I knew what I had to do<br />I had to make the connection with you<br />I dont care if your old and incontinent<br />I will be yours til the bitter end...<br /><br />So during a show about Joan of Arc<br />I got through and said:<br />"Christopher Lydon, you've stolen my heart"<br />when I asked if you felt the same way for me<br />you cut me off like a guillotine<br /><br />Drawn like a bull to a matador-<br />I just see visions of Chrisopher<br />shot down by arrows from waves above<br />Christopher Lydon renounced my love<br /><br />Christopher, I was your prisoner, Christopher,<br />I hope you're happy now, Chistopher<br />Thank you for everything, but I'm not listening anymore nor do I plan to contribute to NPR<br />Christopher, beautiful, Christopher,<br />I'm the girl you've been waiting for urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:22045 2006-03-28T22:08:59Z 2006-03-28T22:08:59Z You can have Washington I'll take New Jersey <br />You can have London but I want New York city <br /><br />I should get Providence I've got a job now <br />Los Angeles - obvious - that's where you belong now <br /><br />You can have Africa, Asia, Australia <br />As long as you keep your hands off cafe pamplona <br /><br />We can split germany right down the middle <br />You'd hate it there anyway <br />Take berlin and we'll call it even <br /><br />You can have all of the carry-on baggage <br />I'll trade the saskia jokes for the alphabet language <br /><br />on special occasions we'll split between parents<br />who forced us to hate them on alternating weekends<br /><br />you call it over and i call you psycho<br />significant other? just say we were lovers!<br />And we'll call it even, we'll call it even.<br /><br />I am the ground zero ex-friend you ordered <br />Disgused as a hero to get past your borders <br />I know when I'm wanted I'll leave if you ask me to <br />Mind my own business and speak when I'm spoken to <br /><br />I am the tower around which you orbited<br />I am not proud, I am just taking orders<br />I fall to the ground within hours of impact<br />I hit back when hit and attack when attacked!<br /><br />You get route 2 between concord and lexington <br />I want mass ave from the sqaure to my apartment <br /><br />And if we should meet through some misunderstanding <br />I'll be very sweet very patient and forgiving <br />(now get off my side of the state) <br /><br />And if we should see one another in passing <br />Aespite these techniques there is sometimes no avoiding <br />(there must be some kind of mistake) <br /><br />We'll raise high our white flags and bow heads and shake hands <br />Declaring the land we're on unamerican <br />We'll call it even <br /><br />I am the tower around which you orbited <br />I am not proud i am just taking orders <br />I fall to the groud within hours of impact <br />I hit back when hit <br />and attack when attacked <br /><br />I am an accident waiting to happen <br />I'm laughing like mad as you strangle the captain <br />My place may be taken, but make no mistake <br />From a little black box I can say without shame <br />That you've lost <br />Do you know what you've lost? <br /><br />So take whatever you'd like <br />I'll strike like the States on fire <br />You won't sleep very tight <br />No hiding <br />No safe covers <br />Make your bed and now lie <br />Just like you always do <br />You can fake it for the papers but I'm on to you....<br /><br /><br />Amanda, You're telling me a fairy tale.. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:21829 2006-03-28T21:51:59Z 2006-03-28T21:51:59Z No one's asking to go dancing its not like that anymore<br />Its romantic if they mean it when they shut your fingers in the door<br />Its a gory sort of story thats been told a hundred times before<br />It gets tricky dont be picky if the slipper fits you wear it, whore<br /><br /><br />How many tips can I take home tonight without them getting mad<br />How many stitches do you think it takes to fix a cut that bad<br />How many minutes until midnight and you get your eyesight back<br /><br />Not to knock it I've been off it never moving very much at once<br />Its been awkward I still offer it when its that time of<br />Other girls shower but I give out flowers <br />To curious strangers who throw dollars at my feet<br /><br />How many crimes can I try spotting dry before it leaves a stain<br />How many times must I say that I love you til it doesnt mean a thing<br />How many fittings must I sit through with my big feet blistering<br />How many times until it strips me and my big mouth strikes again<br /><br />I'm not asking to go dancing I'm not that dumb anymore<br />Its exhausting to keep smiling when your toes are bleeding on the floor<br />Its a gory sort of story thats been told a hundred times before<br />Don't be sorry just ignore me because honestly<br />I'm too sore from fitting exactly to ride into setting suns aching to <br />Stand on my own two feet<br /><br />How many wishes do I still have left to fix the way it ends<br />How many princes do you think <br />It takes to put a girl like this back together again<br />How many instances can you point out where I was less than kind<br />How many happy endings do you need to change your fucking mind<br />And how much time do we have left before it's midnight and <br />You see that I was never the right size? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:21515 2006-03-28T01:48:04Z 2006-03-28T01:48:04Z I want to be sad, but I cant. I want to be happy, but I cant. I have had yet another revelation, but its not the best one this time for my situation. You know, as much as I have questioned it, I really love J.C. And I can tell that its true...the way I cant stop thinking of him, the way that just seeing his face will literally stop me in my tracks. Obsession? No. Just love. Even if I cant have it back, even if he hates my guts, I dont care. I love him, I gave myself to him and to me, that is something more important than you may ever imagine. I thought that I had lied to myself when I said I would always love him, but now I know that its just the fucking truth. This is real, this is pain and its almost something that I can enjoy for now. Pain is what I use to build and right now, as the days go on, I am building stronger and higher off the ground than I ever have. My life is twisting and turning constantly and all of my views cease to be cynical.Life is quite the adventure for me right now, and Im honestly loving every second of it. Every second that I cry, every second that I laugh or groan or turn towards a familiar face or hear of a murder and a secret mark or listen to a song about a coin operated boy or flirt or mope or yell or scream or paint my face or paint my wall or paint my friends.....I love every second of it. I love every second that I look back on my life and say how awesome it really was. I love every second I watch of a horrible movie just to cheer me up, I love every fucking second I have to tell myself that everything is going to be okay. This is love, this is life. This is the beginning. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:21381 2006-03-28T01:37:14Z 2006-03-28T01:37:14Z coin-operated boy<br />sitting on the shelf<br />he is just a toy<br />but i turn him on<br />and he comes to life<br />automatic joy<br />that is why i want<br />a coin-operated boy<br />made of plastic and elastic<br />he is rugged and long-lasting<br />who could ever ever ask for more<br />love without complications galore<br />many shapes and weights to chose from<br />i will never leave my bedroom<br />i will never cry at night again<br />wrap my arms around him and pretend<br /><br />coin-operated boy<br />all the other real <br />ones that i destroyed<br />cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll <br />never let him go<br />and i'll never be alone<br />and i'll never let him go<br /><br />not with my coin-operated boy<br />this bridge was written to make you feel smittener<br />with my sad picture <br />of girl getting bitter-er<br />can you extract me<br />from my plastic fantasy<br />i didn't think so<br />but i'm still convinceable<br />will you persist even after i bet you<br />a billion dollars that i'll never love you<br />and will you persist even after i kiss you<br />goodbye for the last time<br />will you keep on trying?<br />to prove it<br />i'm dying<br />to loose it<br />i'm losing<br />my confidence<br />i want it<br />i want it<br />i want it<br />i want it<br />i want you<br />i want you<br />i want you<br />i want you<br />i want you<br />i want you<br />i want you<br />i want you<br />i want a<br />i want a<br />i want a<br />i want a<br /><br />coin operated boy<br /><br />if i had a star to wish on for my life i can't imagine<br />any flesh and blood could be his match<br />i can even fuck him in the ass<br />coin operated boy<br />he may not be real<br />experienced with girls<br />but i know he feels<br />like a boy should feel<br />isn't that the point?<br />that is why i want a coin-operated boy<br />with a pretty coin-operated voice<br />saying that he loves me<br />that he's thinking of me<br />straight and to the point<br />that is why i want a<br />coin-operated boy. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:21019 2006-03-28T01:33:04Z 2006-03-28T01:33:04Z OH GOD, YOU FUCKER. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:20772 2006-03-28T01:24:10Z 2006-03-28T01:24:10Z Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me. <br />If you kiss me, mister, I might tell my sister. <br />If I tell her, mister, she might tell my mother and my <br />mother, mister, she might tell my father and my father, <br />mister, he won't be too happy and he'll have his lawyer <br />come up from the city and arrest you, mister, <br />so I wouldnt miss me if you get me, mister, see? <br /><br />Missed me, missed, me now you've got to kiss me. <br />If you kiss me, mister, you must think im pretty. <br />If you think so, mister, you must want to fuck me. <br />If you fuck me, mister, it must mean you love me. <br />If you love me, mister, you would never leave me <br />it's as simple as can be! <br /><br />Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me. <br />If you miss me, mister, why do you keep leaving <br />if you trick me, mister, I will make you suffer <br />and they'll get you, mister, put you in the slammer and forget <br />you, mister, then you'll miss me won't you, miss me <br />won't you miss me? <br /><br />Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me. <br />if you kiss me, mister, take responsibility. <br />I'm fragile, mister, just like any girl would be <br />and so misunderstood so treat me delicately. <br /><br />Missed me, missed me, now you've gone and done it, <br />hope you're happy in the county penitentiary <br />it serves you right for kissing little girls, but I will visit, if you miss me.<br />Say you miss me. <br />How's the food they feed you? <br />Do you miss me? <br />Will you kiss me through the window? <br />Do you miss me, miss me? <br />Will they ever let you go? <br />I miss my mister so. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:20657 2006-03-27T00:45:35Z 2006-03-27T00:45:35Z That is what I plan to do. No need to be hostile, its not like you're helping the situation either. Listen, I love you. I love you so much that I couldnt fucking help feeling depressed. I just wanted you to be happy. I could never possibly be completely happy unless you were. I lied about being happy. I am content. But you...you werent. Dont be mad. I was, for about an hour. I screamed until I thought I was going to pass out. But listen, goddamnit. Im not going to be bothering you anymore and you should be happy. I honestly do not want to see you for a very long time, if this is the way you are going to be. Im sorry that I was a dissappointment. Im sorry I couldnt be your perfect angel, your perfect girlfriend. But I loved you and still do. That is all I could offer, and that is all I wanted in return. That is all I ever wanted...and Im sorry that it was too great of a task. Well, at least you dont have obligations any longer. Have a good life and be happy...you deserve it. My final words- I love you, always will. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:20227 2006-03-26T21:43:24Z 2006-03-26T21:43:24Z BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Its getting realllllly hard not to be pissed at this point. "So what are you guys going to do?" "I cant do jack at this point, I still love him." urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:amniotic_tear:20200 2006-03-26T02:28:41Z 2006-03-26T02:28:41Z I just need you to know, nothing is wrong. When you say you love me and mean it, I feel as if nothing could ever be wrong again. I've been thinking lately and have had bad thoughts, bad feelings, feelings of apathy. Feeling like it would be harder and harder to love you. But you know, thats all bullshit. Even if things arent as great as they used to be, I can still watch bad love movies and get that really great feeling of knowing what thats like. You know why? BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. I want you. I want you to be there and I will be there back. Everything can be fine if you just let it be. No matter how hard I try to stop loving you for any reason, it just wont happen. I am as stubborn as a fucking mule, and nothing will change that. Do what you will, sweetie, but I have concluded that NOTHING you do will make me stop loving you, nothing you do will harm me. Im sick of being hurt, and it will not let myself be. I AM STRONG, LIKE BULL. You hear?